Friday, August 04, 2006

Infertility

I hesitated to post this....
Really I did. I don't like to bare my soul to the whole world. I don't like being vulnerable. But God really has placed it on my heart to open up about this in case there is someone else out there in need of encouragement in this situation.

Many of you know that I have 2 children, boys. The youngest is 6. Dh and I have "actively" been trying to conceive for about 3 years now. The problem is that I don't ovulate.....

So finally, after many hours of agonizing about what to do, what not to do, and many prayers to God for guidance; I broached the subject with my dr. I was crying as I tried to explain the problem. He was such a blessing.....he never condemned me for my desire, but immediately referred me to a specialist. So I have an appt there on the 17th. I am scared and hopeful and trying not to set myself up for disappointment.

The problem that I seem to face the most is with others who don't see that I have a problem. I have 2 beautiful boys.....what is the problem??? In the world today, 2 is more than enough. Some people think that I am crazy, some people think that I am unsatisfied (and maybe I am)....but I think that God placed this burning desire in my heart to have another baby for a reason. I struggle every day with whether or not this is God's will for us. Maybe we just weren't meant to have more children.....maybe I should just let it be......maybe, maybe, maybe.

I share all this with the hope that if there are other women out there with children, who are unable to have more, that they will realize that they aren't alone. We all need to seek God's will in our lives, seek guidance from our dh's. I know that I can live the rest of my life not having more children, if I know that that is God's will for me. So please pray for me. Please pray that if this is God's will that his hand will obviously be in this and please pray that I will have a peace in my heart and contentment with what I have. Please pray for the dr.s that will be treating me. Please pray for my dh as he is my strength during this time. He is such a dear, never belittling my desires. He has made my desires his on this subject and I am so blessed by that. And please, if you are also suffering from infertility and would like prayer please leave a comment (they are moderated, I won't post it if you don't want me to).

1 comment:

KathyJo said...

If we accept that children are a blessing from God, then what could possibly be wrong with wanting to be blessed again? ((hugs)) I will pray for you. And I don't think we can ever go wrong when we pray "Thy will be done."

I don't get a lot of time to visit blogs lately, but know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.