Can you imagine your dreams being taken away and there be nothing you can do about it? That happened to me again yesterday. I suffer from PCOS and it is worse. Worse means it isn't responding well to the medication, more weight gain (and more difficulty losing it), more severe hormonal problems, less chance of having more children. Women with PCOS don't get things easily to begin with. Monthly cycles are sporadic but very heavy when they come. Most of the time I wish I could stay home. Although I am depressed, typical depression medications must be put off until my hormonal level is stabilized. The medication that I should take to treat PCOS (and possibly alleviate some of the other stuff), makes for terrible stomach problems and the need to be very close to a bathroom at all times. Terrible stuff.
So now, in my hormonally unstable state, I am trying to make the decision to have more children or not. I didn't want to make this decision. I want to be normal and see what happens. But medical intervention will be needed and the decision impacts steps that can be taken for other treatment options. Norman is fine either way (he may even be leaning toward no more children - he wants me healthy).
I want me healthy too. I wish I could diet and lose weight. I wish that I didn't have hair in all the wrong places. I wish that I didn't want to stay in bed all day............I wish I had some energy. I don't want to be overweight. I don't want to be tired. I don't want to be depressed. However, I find myself in this situation now. I have always tried to make the best of it, but I am tired of doing that too.
Please pray for me, if you feel led. I need all the help I can get. My precious sons deserve to have a mother that is "here". My husband deserves a wife that isn't so moody and pessimistic. I deserve to be healthy.
Also, Norman and I go to see the orthopedic surgeon for his knee today. Prayers for wisdom for the doctor are appreciated!