Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Still Here

I apologize for the lack of posting lately. Little Bear is a handful some days. I have been setting up new routines, exercise habit, Bible reading habit, daily goals, etc. and have barely had time to read email, let alone blog. I hope that you will forgive me.

I have also been dealing with some heart issues of my own lately. They came to a head with an argument with my dh yesterday. We hashed everything out today (over the phone, we do better that way for some reason) but I have a lot of work to do within myself. I have been convicted of my unsubmissive spirit. I have also been placing undue pressure on my dh in areas that he CAN'T change (ie, work, etc). That is not what God would have me doing. I realize that now, and am thankful that I came to this realization now while it will be easier to undo the damage to our marriage relationship.

I realized today how much I idealize the "normal" marriage arrangement. By normal I mean the dh working 9-5 with weekends off; able to spend time coaching teams and camping with the kids; sitting next to his family at church and during the monthly potluck. This is the ideal that I was hoping we would eventually reach. This is NOT going to happen here. My dh works 3-11. He works 1 hour away from home, so he leaves at 1:30 p.m. and doesn't return until midnight. He winds down after work (when the rest of us are asleep), going to bed around 2 a.m. He wakes up after 7-8 hours of sleep; usually around 10 or 11 a.m. Of course, that is if he doesn't work overtime. He works a lot of overtime. His days off are on Thursday and Friday. We spend the better part of those days at taekwondo (dh is part owner of the school). My dh is a wonderful provider, and he tries his very best to spend quality time with us. I am thankful that we can homeschool; otherwise my boys would almost never see their father. We miss out on the weekend camping trips, sitting together at church (dh doesn't attend), going to local football games together; evening dinners with friends are out. If we wanted to invite friends for dinner, they would all be at work. This is the part that I struggle with. I wanted the perfect "family life". I realize that I need to accept that our "family life" is perfect for US. This is the way that our family operates. Me wishing that it is going to be different isn't going to help matters any. I know that God can give me contentment in this area if I am willing to seek His will.

All of this rambling is to say, that if your family doesn't look like the "perfect family" that is ok. All families are different and yours is unique to your unique personalities and circumstances. My relationships with friends may not be as strong as they could be if we were available to fellowship together, but my relationship with my dh and children is more important and I can nurture that in the common atmosphere of our home.....where we all belong!!!!!

I hope to post some more this week. I hope that everyone is enjoying spring!

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