God is Always There

During the past (almost) year, we have done a lot of leaning on our friends.  Although we weren't terribly private people before, my wonderful husband and I prefered to be the one to do the supporting, rather than being the ones supported.  Things change (in an instant) though and I can honestly say that I now know what it is like to be on the receiving end of unconditional love and support.  We have been blessed beyond measure and even farther beyond what we will ever deserve.

With that said, our friends have their own lives.  Their own families.  Their own chores, errands, plans and dreams.  While our world felt like it had fallen apart and stopped altogether, their lives were ticking along nicely.  In reality, as much as I might have wanted them to, they couldn't all sit here day after day and hold my hand. 

All the earthly support in the world can't be there 24/7.  So when fear strikes in the middle of the night, after a particularly hard day (the 3rd one this week) or when you know all are busy and don't want to be a bother.....who do you lean on?  If you are a Christian, the easy answer is God.  And that is true.  But when you are at the bottom of the pit, to scared to look out or even think about climbing out, calling on God doesn't always seem helpful. 

God is there.  He wants to comfort you.  He wants you to lean in His arms and be carried by His strength.  Here are some suggestions for things that you can do from the bottom of the pit to feel close to your Father.

* read the Psalms
   I am on my 3rd read-through of Psalms this year.  Every time I have been encouraged and lifted up by selections that I just didn't notice the time before.  The Psalms were written by people at the bottom of the pit, they speak the words that you can't and help you explain the emotions that are smothering you.

* pray
   Even if it is my favorite "God, I don't know what to do now" prayer.  He hears and you will feel closer just by talking to Him.  Pour your heart out and then just sit in silence and listen.  God says the most wonderful things to me when I just listen.

* be grateful
   I know that it is hard to be grateful when you are sitting alone in the bottom of the pit, but you CAN find at least one thing a day to be grateful for.  Last fall, around Thanksgiving, I purposed to think of at least 3 things every day that I was thankful for and to openly thank God for those things.  My children picked up on it (I was using prayer time at meals for this) and I think it did all of us good to remember the blessings that God gives us.  Is the sun shining?  Be thankful for that.  Are there flowers you can see/smell?  Be thankful for the beauty that God has provided.  Did the cat just have 11 kittens in the bottom drawer of your dresser?  Be thankful for a sweet reminder of God's creation (and a newspaper ad that can give them all away!).

*  remember others
    While sitting at the bottom of the pit, it is lonely.  In our situation we were all in the pit together, but we each still felt very alone.  I found it humbling to pray for the needs of others.  If you don't know of any others who have needs, watch the news for 5 minutes.  Read the newspaper and pray for the families of those listed in the obituary section.  No matter how terrible your situation, you have God with you, there are others in this world that don't.  How hopeless must their situations be?

*  make plans to get out of the pit
    Let's face it, the pit isn't a fun place to be and you can't stay there forever.  So NOW is a fantastic time to plan your escape.  Get a notebook and ask God to show you His plans for you.  You might get a teeny tiny glimpse.  Work with that.  Jot down your hopes and dreams for your future.  Seek out the advice of those wonderful friends and bounce ideas off of them.  Pray for your dreams.  If you feel God leading you in one specific direction, make plans to take a step that way.  As long as you are open to God's leading along the way you can't go wrong. If you feel that you hit a wall, or have a setback, don't give up!  Reevaluate and start again.  (I speak from experience here.  Norman and I are not ones to sit back and wallow in our pity.  We've been trying many avenues to better our situation.  So far, they have all been dead ends.  We are to the last option.  It seemed drastic, but the way seems clear to us.  So we go forward, knowing that we didn't arrive at this choice lightly, we have exhausted all other options and that God is with us, no matter what.)

*  sing
   I don't care if you can carry a tune, or not, sing.  I think that just the process of singing frees your mind to praise God.  Process the words to your favorite hymn.  Listen to God's promises of mercy and grace and let them wash over you.  I promise that if you aren't on your way out of the pit, you will be heading that way soon enough.

*  banish Satan
    Just the last few weeks, when I feel fear creeping up on me, I have been rebuking Satan.  Fear is not from God, it is from Satan, trying to get a handle on you.  I refuse to let Satan, and fear, rule my life anymore.  I give my problems, concerns and fears to God and I let Him keep them.  I don't take them back.  They aren't mine anymore.  God is far more capable of handling them than I am.

That pit of fear, loneliness and despair is a terrible place to be.  I wish that I could say you will never end up there again.  I can't.  But you don't have to stay there.  If you are reading this, you are alive.  Life is worth living.  Whatever you have lost, a loved one, financial security, relationships, job.......you have your life.  Live it with joy.  Joy in knowing that God is there no matter what happens.  Joy in the small things like flowers and kittens.  Joy in helping those who have found themselves in the pit (who would be more qualified than someone who has been there???).  All problems can't be solved, but we can go on living without the solution.  I encourage you to say a pray, pick up your Bible and purpose today to start living again. 

The Lasting Effects of Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Fear is a great motivator.  The fear of failure makes some work harder.  The fear of not living up to expectations causes some to do things that they don't necessarily want to do.  The fear of disappointing the ones we love can sometimes make us do crazy things.

Sometimes I feel surrounded by fear.  I fear failing as a mother or wife.  I fear change.  I fear confrontation. 

Fear can be caused by episodes of physical, verbal or emotional abuse.  A raised voice still strikes fear into my heart even though they are almost never directed at me and even then aren't in anger......a childhood of screaming has left a lasting impression. 

I fear the future and the things that I can't control.  I can't control if/when the neighbors call the police because my husband passes their house on his way to work.  I can't control if the officer comes here to see whats going on and I can't control my husband's reaction to it.  The worst thing is that frequently, I feel like I can't control my reaction to fear.  An unknown vehicle in my driveway has me hiding in the bathroom before I have time to analyze why I am running.  The phone ringing has my heart jumping before I ever see who it is.  Even the peaceful times are fearful as I wait for the next shoe to drop, the next thing to happen and wonder how I will ever face another day, another problem, another confrontation. 

Most of my adult life I have felt that I was conquering fear.  Opening up, trying new situations, exploring the wide world around me.  It is funny how 48 hours last fall (and subsequent events) can change that so quickly. 

Some days I wonder if I am crazy.  Who, in their right mind, is afraid to go home? 

People understand and feel sympathy for those who have went through physical abuse.  They can understand the fear the victims face.  The unseen abuse, the verbal and emotional barrage that others endure, isn't understood.  Often unrecognized, friends and neighbors place the blame on the victim.  She's too soft hearted, she obviously didn't understand, the offender didn't mean it that way.  Then there is the blame that is placed on the victim......"you are making trouble when there isn't any", "you were probably to blame for the screaming anyway", "it wasn't just you and nobody else is making a fuss".  I think that sometimes that is the worst part.  The inability of the offender to see the wrong is one thing, but the inability for outsiders to believe that such behavior is unacceptable is amazing.  Would you think it proper to yell at your dog that way?  Your neighbor?  Then you shouldn't be doing it to your child. 

I get that lots of people grew up with parents that we screamers.  For me, the screaming was the easy part.  The sarcasm was worse.  Two words can cut to the self esteem so quickly.  In two words a whole word can be destroyed.  "Why can't you ever do anything right" should NEVER be said to a child. 

Having lived with this behavior for 18 years growing up I was very eager to leave as soon as possible.  Like a good little victim though, I came back.  No matter how badly you want them to, things don't change just because you have grown up.  Control is not easily relinquished by those who have it, they just learn new manipulation techniques. 

I have really struggled as a parent to not repeat the sins of my parents.  When you always complied when faced with sarcasm and manipulation, it is hard to understand if that technique doesn't work on your children.  It was a blessing that my children are immune to such things so I had to take a cold hard look at the way I was behaving.  God has been teaching me so much!  In teaching me, I have realized that what was done to me as a child was unacceptable and the treatment of me in that way as an adult should have been unacceptable as well.  Coming to terms with that has been difficult. 

Why should I think I am better than that?  Who says I should be treated with love and kindness?  What have I done to deserve it?  Nothing.  Love should make those who love me treat me in a loving way.  I treat my children with love and kindness not because of anything that they have or haven't done, but because I love them.  They deserve to be treated with love.  I deserve to be treated with love.

I hope to continue tomorrow with what God has to say about fear.  No matter the causes, we can be free from it!