On August 1, 2000....15 years ago....my husband went away.
He didn't leave us. He wasn't dead.
He was hired by the State of Illinois, Illinois Department of Corrections specifically and left to do his 6 weeks of academy training. He would go to the academy very early Monday morning and come back to us on Friday night.
This was just the beginning of a 3 year separation for us. Why? Because the prison he was hired to work at was 3 hours away from our home and rather than remove us from our family and friends, he opted to work "away" while the boys and I remained behind. When he accepted the position we were told that he could transfer to an institution closer to home in 18 months but the state of Illinois froze transfers so it was almost 3 years before he came home.
Let that soak in.
When he left that August morning, we had 2 sons. Lee was almost 3 and Greg was 4 months old. Explaining to a 3 year old that the daddy he adored wasn't coming home that night, or the next or the next was excruciating. He didn't understand. He would cry for the first 2 days and almost every night at bedtime. Greg was spared that for the most part, as an infant, but had colic that started about the time Norman left. He would scream for hours every night. Hours. For weeks. Greg also got severely car sick. Norman wasn't allowed to drive himself to the academy so I drove 4 hours on Monday morning to drop him off and 4 hours every Friday afternoon to pick him up. For 6 weeks. My parents are farmers and this was their busy season so for the majority of the time I would drive a Geo Metro 2 hours each way with at least 1 screaming kid. Twice a week. Sometimes I would have a panic attack on Friday mornings just anticipating the drive.
But it was worth it....because we were going to get Daddy.
After the 6 weeks, Norman started his employment at Dwight Correctional Center. He stayed in some employee dorms on the ground of Pontiac Correctional Center. He would drive himself up and back on his "Monday" and "Friday" (which were never actually Monday or Friday). This left me with no vehicle. If I was desperate I would borrow a vehicle from my parents. We did all errands and shopping when Daddy was home.
For years we would celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving on whatever nearby day Daddy was home. That's probably why we don't have all these traditions in our family regarding holidays....sometimes they were celebrated a week early or a week late....but we made the best of each situation....being so thankful for the days that we were together.
I don't think people understand how hard this was on me. I became mom and dad 5-6 days a week. I suffered from depression before but I also had to deal with severe anxiety. Some days I would just huddle in bed and cry. I laugh when people say that they can't be as strong as me. I wasn't strong. I was a mess. But I did what I had to do.....
Why? Because although I missed him terribly and the workload/responsibilities were huge, I was at home. I was in a familiar town/area with my family and friends. If I had an accident I could call someone. If I was so lonely I just couldn't handle it, I had family I could visit (some of them literally saved me). I kissed my kids good night before bed every single night. Norman was in an unfamiliar town. He did make friends but it took some time. I can't imagine how hard it was for him to be away from the boys. That ache had to almost drive him to insanity somedays. I do know he worked a lot of overtime while he was up there. He said it helped the days go faster.
He thanked me yesterday, for not making it harder for him than it was. You see, I never once complained. I never told him how much we would cry while he was gone. I put on my smiley happy face when he was home (because we were so happy that he was home!) and a cheerful voice into every phone call. I determined early on that I was not going to make this any harder for him than it already was. Was there anything that he could do about the crying boys? The days my heart broke and I spent the whole day in bed? Sure there was. If he knew, he would have quit his job. The best job he had ever had. He would have come home to us. Because that is what he would have given anything to do. But he knew he had a responsibility to provide well for us and this was the path that God had given him to do it. So he stayed at Dwight and I kept my mouth shut.
I look back now and wonder how many women realize the responsibility they have in their marriage to make things just a smidge easier for their husbands. Do you really need to complain when he works overtime again? Or should you be thankful that he is providing? Should you lay out all your problems at his feet? Or should you suck it up and remember that it isn't his job to be your everything.....it is God's?
You see, those sacrifices we made those years enabled Norman to find fulfillment in a job he enjoys. He makes a wage that enables me to be home, to educate the kids and kiss the booboos and give the lovings that children need and have to get from others when both parents are employed. I'm not saying I don't wish there had been another way, but there wasn't. Sometimes you must just accept the way things are and make the very best out of them. Doing that shouldn't make it harder on the other person.
As I look back, I recognize some things that did help me cope during those long days, weeks, months and years.
1. Focus on TODAY. If today is Monday and Norman just left, I wouldn't dwell on how many days it would be until he got home. I would decide what I was going to do that morning, what I was fixing for lunch, what I was doing that afternoon, what I was fixing for supper, what books we would read or movies we would watch at bedtime. Do that the next day, and the next day and the next.
2. Find a confidant. I've never said that you should keep all your feelings bottled up. I've only said that you shouldn't burden your husband with them. Find a FEMALE friend or two to confide in when you just need to vent. It happens. Find someone that will ENCOURAGE you to keep on keeping on. Nobody is meant to do everything alone. I've offered to be that person for several people. I hope that someday they take me up on the offer.
3. Get out of the house. I spent part of the time Norman worked away with no vehicle. Having no vehicle doesn't mean that you have to sit in the house and brood all day. Go for a walk. Plant flowers. Enjoy nature. If you are blessed enough to live in town, walk to a library or park or coffeeshop. Even 30 minutes a day can improve your outlook on life. I tried to go on a walk every day I could, weather permitting. Once I had a vehicle, we would drive into town one day a week for lunch and a trip to the library. I tried to make it mid-week so that it broke up the time that dad was away a little. Schedule play dates if you have little kids. It takes effort. I'm an introvert so doing these things sometimes took a lot out of me, but in the end I needed the adult interaction and the kids needed fun things to do.
4. Find a hobby. You might not have much time. I get that. Find something that you enjoy doing and carve out 30 minutes for it. I read, knit and blog. I did cross stitch for years and I also sew (sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't). Do you garden? Lift weights? Fix things? Scrapbook? Play an instrument? Don't know? Then go get some books from the library. You might find some new things that interest you. When Norman worked away I learned to knit, canned my own food, had a garden, read lots of books, did cross stitch and started writing (in a journal because blogging wasn't a thing yet).
5. Try to keep Daddy days fun. This one is hard and might not always happen but it is so important. If your husband is only home 1 or 2 days a week or worse, a month, then it is important that the time be as enjoyable for everyone as possible. We would go into town, have lunch at Bonanza and then do grocery shopping. Every week. The employees at Bonanza knew our orders. We would have so much fun and get errands done and it was special time with the kids. We would spend time with Norman's mom (she missed him too).
6. Have a set routine on the day Daddy leaves. This is important. Especially with little kids, but I think that it is useful for wives as well. We would get up and do the same things every day daddy left. The routine was comforting for the kids and helped with their anxiety and the tears that tended to take place. It was easier for everyone.
We are in a slightly different place now. Those 2 little boys are almost all grown up (18 and 15). We have 2 new little ones (7 and 5). My husband works at Robinson Correctional Center now and works a lot of overtime. The thing with overtime is that you don't always know when that will happen. So I mark time by a clock. Norman will call by 2 if he is staying late at work that day. I rarely plan my evening until I know what he will be up to. The kids have learned to be flexible. I have to take on farm responsibilities and parenting responsibilities. I make a lot more decisions than I would like because I am the one home most often. I think that the early years prepared me for this. I'm very flexible. Evenings are lonely, but we have a sort of routine for when Daddy works late. I usually get more of "my" projects done when Daddy works late. We make the best of the situation.
In the end, that's all you can do. Complaining and whining don't help but you can help yourself (and your husband/children) make the best of a difficult situation. As the wife and mother, you set the tone for the home, so set a positive, joyful tone. You won't regret it, I promise.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Thursday, August 20, 2015
I Peter 3:1-2
This is my life verse:
You see, I was a rebellious 18 year old once. I was frustrated with the rules my parents had and searching for my place in the world. I met a boy, who defied all convention.....a wild one and I was smitten. 3 months later, he proposed and I said yes. 3 months after that we were married.
Sometime that first year of marriage, I realized something wasn't right. I don't remember being taught in church about being "unequally yoked". Rarely did fathers come to church...just some older men, younger boys. So I really didn't understand the full implication of what I had done.
We had a son. I muddled along. Fought depression constantly. My husband was doing lots of stuff that wasn't right, was far from right....some I knew about and some I probably should have known about.....but we had a son. I was stubborn. I didn't want him to grow up without his father. I didn't want to be a single mom.
While pregnant with our 2nd son, we got internet. A whole new world was opening up to me. I began researching homeschooling and learned about submission. At some point, while I was searching, a godly woman told me about I Peter 3:1-2.
I'm so grateful that she did. You see, so many people, even in the church, were telling me to leave. I didn't "deserve" to be married to a non-Christian, I "deserved" better. My son "deserved" better.
Staying was the hard choice but I clung to those verses. I prayed and prayed about God using me to impact Norman's life in some way. Somehow, Lord, use me!
Those years were rough. I endured anger and verbal abuse. I suffered from severe postpartum depression after the birth of our second son. Norman got a great job, that required him to work away from us 5 days a week. My "support system" wasn't always supportive. The depression segued into anxiety.
Some weeks were a nightmare. I won't lie. I didn't always know what to expect from my husband. However, the good days began to slowly outweigh the bad. He cleaned up his life, left that evil life behind. My husband began to focus more on his family. It was slow and some days I couldn't see a light at the end of my tunnel. I had to die to myself and realize that I might never see the fruits of my work here......maybe it would be my children or grandchildren. I spent hours on my knees in prayer. I sought godly counsel, privately, when situations arose that I couldn't emotionally deal with alone.
You see, in our culture, it is much more popular to throw in the towel. Sticking it out isn't the popular choice, even in the church. Women in difficult situations are encouraged the cut their losses and move on.
But is that really what God wants us to be doing?
Over the years, we've been put in a myriad of difficult situations. The lessons that God taught me so many years ago have helped me weed out the unbiblical advice and "cleave" to my husband through it all. Sometimes that meant taking sides. Sometimes against my family.
God designed marriage as a partnership. That partnership doesn't work unless both people are committed. Committed people don't consider leaving as an option. Just having that mindset changes the way a person deals with situations that arise. If you are committed to your marriage then you are forced to work things out. You are forced to learn conflict resolution. You have to forgive, forget and move on. Humility is learned; I didn't always have to be right. We learned to work together. We learned each other's strengths and weaknesses. We learned to appreciate our differences.
This took YEARS. It's not a quick process. I had to change ME, not him. God did the work in him (I will never take the credit for that).
Nowadays, my husband sits beside me in church. We pray together. We discuss the word of God.
I see God's hand in my marriage every day. I couldn't have stayed without God staying right there next to me the whole time. He gave me strength I didn't have. Just when I thought I couldn't do one more day, He was right there to comfort me.
We really don't fight now. I can truly say that we are one. We are a team, working together to mold our lives into God's will for us. We raise a family, together, with little in the way of outside support.
We still struggle, disagree and act in un-lovely ways toward each other. We are sinners, saved by grace. The worst might not be behind us, but God is with us. He's got this and we are committed to each other and to Him. May God have all the glory.
If you find yourself in an "unequally yoked" marriage and want to talk about it, I'm happy to spend some time with you. Leave me your email address in the comments and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. God wants to be glorified through your marriage, just like He is in mine!
I Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. (NLT)
You see, I was a rebellious 18 year old once. I was frustrated with the rules my parents had and searching for my place in the world. I met a boy, who defied all convention.....a wild one and I was smitten. 3 months later, he proposed and I said yes. 3 months after that we were married.
Sometime that first year of marriage, I realized something wasn't right. I don't remember being taught in church about being "unequally yoked". Rarely did fathers come to church...just some older men, younger boys. So I really didn't understand the full implication of what I had done.
We had a son. I muddled along. Fought depression constantly. My husband was doing lots of stuff that wasn't right, was far from right....some I knew about and some I probably should have known about.....but we had a son. I was stubborn. I didn't want him to grow up without his father. I didn't want to be a single mom.
While pregnant with our 2nd son, we got internet. A whole new world was opening up to me. I began researching homeschooling and learned about submission. At some point, while I was searching, a godly woman told me about I Peter 3:1-2.
I'm so grateful that she did. You see, so many people, even in the church, were telling me to leave. I didn't "deserve" to be married to a non-Christian, I "deserved" better. My son "deserved" better.
Staying was the hard choice but I clung to those verses. I prayed and prayed about God using me to impact Norman's life in some way. Somehow, Lord, use me!
Those years were rough. I endured anger and verbal abuse. I suffered from severe postpartum depression after the birth of our second son. Norman got a great job, that required him to work away from us 5 days a week. My "support system" wasn't always supportive. The depression segued into anxiety.
Some weeks were a nightmare. I won't lie. I didn't always know what to expect from my husband. However, the good days began to slowly outweigh the bad. He cleaned up his life, left that evil life behind. My husband began to focus more on his family. It was slow and some days I couldn't see a light at the end of my tunnel. I had to die to myself and realize that I might never see the fruits of my work here......maybe it would be my children or grandchildren. I spent hours on my knees in prayer. I sought godly counsel, privately, when situations arose that I couldn't emotionally deal with alone.
You see, in our culture, it is much more popular to throw in the towel. Sticking it out isn't the popular choice, even in the church. Women in difficult situations are encouraged the cut their losses and move on.
But is that really what God wants us to be doing?
Over the years, we've been put in a myriad of difficult situations. The lessons that God taught me so many years ago have helped me weed out the unbiblical advice and "cleave" to my husband through it all. Sometimes that meant taking sides. Sometimes against my family.
God designed marriage as a partnership. That partnership doesn't work unless both people are committed. Committed people don't consider leaving as an option. Just having that mindset changes the way a person deals with situations that arise. If you are committed to your marriage then you are forced to work things out. You are forced to learn conflict resolution. You have to forgive, forget and move on. Humility is learned; I didn't always have to be right. We learned to work together. We learned each other's strengths and weaknesses. We learned to appreciate our differences.
This took YEARS. It's not a quick process. I had to change ME, not him. God did the work in him (I will never take the credit for that).
Nowadays, my husband sits beside me in church. We pray together. We discuss the word of God.
I see God's hand in my marriage every day. I couldn't have stayed without God staying right there next to me the whole time. He gave me strength I didn't have. Just when I thought I couldn't do one more day, He was right there to comfort me.
We really don't fight now. I can truly say that we are one. We are a team, working together to mold our lives into God's will for us. We raise a family, together, with little in the way of outside support.
We still struggle, disagree and act in un-lovely ways toward each other. We are sinners, saved by grace. The worst might not be behind us, but God is with us. He's got this and we are committed to each other and to Him. May God have all the glory.
If you find yourself in an "unequally yoked" marriage and want to talk about it, I'm happy to spend some time with you. Leave me your email address in the comments and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. God wants to be glorified through your marriage, just like He is in mine!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Moving
Good morning blogland! I hope that this beautiful morning finds all of you well, happy and in touch with our Lord and Saviour. Mornings are a good time to do that, yes? I think so.
Anyway, I feel like my blog has become reviews only and I'm sure many of you are getting sick of it but I've got so much going on that I'm only doing what I have to. Please know that in a few weeks I have lots of fun stuff planned. I can't wait!
So what have we been up to? Packing, priming, painting, sanding, staining, redoing, packing, moving.....that's it! In addition to the regular working, running, housekeeping. We are moving back to the country. A cute farmhouse down a 1/4 mile lane. We can have critters (pets/livestock). The house was in need of some TLC so we agreed to work on it. When we started we had 6 weeks. I thought 6 weeks was a long time. Wrong! lol It's not going to be done but some of it is so we will take what we can get. Honestly, everything but some painting (3 rooms) and some cosmetic issues (trim) will be done. Considering what we started with I think we did pretty good.
We started in the kitchen. Dismantled the cabinets, tore up the nasty linoleum. Everything got new paint and then Norman put down new flooring. Kitchen - done. Bathroom was in pieces to begin with. Norman took out what was left. Reinstalled the shower, new sink, reinstalled the toliet. New paint on the walls, new flooring, everything sealed up....still needs the trim. Dining room and living room have new paint on the walls. Still working to paint the trim. 4 rooms of hardwood floors downstairs (living room, dining room, our room, abby's room) sanding, stained and 1 coat of poly on. 1 more coat of poly tonight and then they need to dry. The carpet that was originally over the hardwood was stained badly. We were going to just live with it for a while but we couldn't get the fleas out of it so one day I showed up out there to work and the carpet was gone. lol Our room and Abby's room still need paint on the ceilings, walls, and trim. Upstairs the hardwood is in decent shape. The upstairs bathroom needs new flooring (someone patched a hole and did a terrible job) but that can wait a bit. Lee didn't mind the paint in his room (light brown/dark brown) so I just touched it up. It's done. Greg hated the baby blue that was on his walls so we did a reverse of Lee's colors (dark brown/light brown). I hope to finish the trim today and then that room will be done. Bear's room is also baby blue. He wants green with brown trim. I have his room primed but not painted.
Norman has also fixed some water lines, jacked up a sagging floor and replaced the guttering. He has worked his butt off.
Every time we have went out there this week we have taken a load of our belongings. They are being placed in a 2 car garage. When the floor has cured we will start moving things in. Still lots of packing/moving to do but we are on the final stretch. Then I will need to clean this place and turn in the keys.
It will be so worth it to be back out in the country. My guys do better in their element. I don't regret our moving to town. Not at all. It served a purpose and was a gift from God. However, it will be nice to be back out in the country. Norman has already fixed up the chicken pen and they will be coming in a week or so. I think we will need a house cat :) and a cute little dog but that will come later.
I've got 2 more reviews to get done before we lose this internet (I don't know how long it will take to get new internet set up). Bear with me a bit and then we will get some fun stuff started. Love ya all!
Carie
Anyway, I feel like my blog has become reviews only and I'm sure many of you are getting sick of it but I've got so much going on that I'm only doing what I have to. Please know that in a few weeks I have lots of fun stuff planned. I can't wait!
So what have we been up to? Packing, priming, painting, sanding, staining, redoing, packing, moving.....that's it! In addition to the regular working, running, housekeeping. We are moving back to the country. A cute farmhouse down a 1/4 mile lane. We can have critters (pets/livestock). The house was in need of some TLC so we agreed to work on it. When we started we had 6 weeks. I thought 6 weeks was a long time. Wrong! lol It's not going to be done but some of it is so we will take what we can get. Honestly, everything but some painting (3 rooms) and some cosmetic issues (trim) will be done. Considering what we started with I think we did pretty good.
We started in the kitchen. Dismantled the cabinets, tore up the nasty linoleum. Everything got new paint and then Norman put down new flooring. Kitchen - done. Bathroom was in pieces to begin with. Norman took out what was left. Reinstalled the shower, new sink, reinstalled the toliet. New paint on the walls, new flooring, everything sealed up....still needs the trim. Dining room and living room have new paint on the walls. Still working to paint the trim. 4 rooms of hardwood floors downstairs (living room, dining room, our room, abby's room) sanding, stained and 1 coat of poly on. 1 more coat of poly tonight and then they need to dry. The carpet that was originally over the hardwood was stained badly. We were going to just live with it for a while but we couldn't get the fleas out of it so one day I showed up out there to work and the carpet was gone. lol Our room and Abby's room still need paint on the ceilings, walls, and trim. Upstairs the hardwood is in decent shape. The upstairs bathroom needs new flooring (someone patched a hole and did a terrible job) but that can wait a bit. Lee didn't mind the paint in his room (light brown/dark brown) so I just touched it up. It's done. Greg hated the baby blue that was on his walls so we did a reverse of Lee's colors (dark brown/light brown). I hope to finish the trim today and then that room will be done. Bear's room is also baby blue. He wants green with brown trim. I have his room primed but not painted.
Norman has also fixed some water lines, jacked up a sagging floor and replaced the guttering. He has worked his butt off.
Every time we have went out there this week we have taken a load of our belongings. They are being placed in a 2 car garage. When the floor has cured we will start moving things in. Still lots of packing/moving to do but we are on the final stretch. Then I will need to clean this place and turn in the keys.
It will be so worth it to be back out in the country. My guys do better in their element. I don't regret our moving to town. Not at all. It served a purpose and was a gift from God. However, it will be nice to be back out in the country. Norman has already fixed up the chicken pen and they will be coming in a week or so. I think we will need a house cat :) and a cute little dog but that will come later.
I've got 2 more reviews to get done before we lose this internet (I don't know how long it will take to get new internet set up). Bear with me a bit and then we will get some fun stuff started. Love ya all!
Carie
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Knitted Cell Phone Case and Other Pictures
I knitted a cell phone case! I had to rework the pattern a little because I couldn't find the purse frame the pattern called for (very frustrating by the way). I ended up putting an I-cord in the casing, leaving it open at one edge so that I could be hooked to a bag clip or over the wrist. It also works as a drawstring so the phone doesn't fall out.
I needed something to put next to it to show size so I grabbed my sunglasses, which by the way fit in it perfectly!
Since I am uploading pictures anyway, here are some new family shots:
My family :)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
My Precious Children
I love all my children equally and try very hard to be fair in all decisions, time spent with them, etc.....but I am loving this special mother-daughter relationship with Abby. Yes, I do realize that she is only 5 months old and I anticipate that our relationship will only grow, get sweeter and be tested over time, but it sure is nice to look into her chubby, little, round face with her tongue hanging out.....as she tries to eat every magazine she can get her hands on.....and her socks. LOL She is a perfect snuggle bunny......all of my kids are......I just love her to pieces.
Now Bear, he is being incredibly cute lately. My personal favorite is when you compliment him and he says "awww shucks". It is too cute!!!
Greg caught a tame rabbit in his live trap yesterday. That is good because the little bugger got out a few months ago and they couldn't catch it. Lee is looking forward to his first year deer hunting with his bow.
So much going on here as my children just keep growing. Everything changes :) I guess that is enough rambling for today. It is a beautiful fall day and we have soccer games to attend. I hope everyone has a wonderful day :) And a wonderful week!
Now Bear, he is being incredibly cute lately. My personal favorite is when you compliment him and he says "awww shucks". It is too cute!!!
Greg caught a tame rabbit in his live trap yesterday. That is good because the little bugger got out a few months ago and they couldn't catch it. Lee is looking forward to his first year deer hunting with his bow.
So much going on here as my children just keep growing. Everything changes :) I guess that is enough rambling for today. It is a beautiful fall day and we have soccer games to attend. I hope everyone has a wonderful day :) And a wonderful week!
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Choosing Joy
In this lifetime I will have many choices to make. Many choices to be made every single day. Although most of the choices I make have no bearing on my eternal life, many will impact how my day goes or how others perceive my life or how my life experience is remembered.
Some of the choices I have faced today include:
*when to get up (although for the most part, Abby did that for me)
* what to have for breakfast (don't tell WW but I had leftover pizza)
*TV news or Bible study (sadly, today I chose TV news)
*shower or just dress (I showered)
*chores or my fun stuff (I did "must do" chores and then knitting)
* lunch menu (leftovers)
You get the idea. Out of that list, the only thing that I can see that would have eternal value was the choice NOT to have Bible study. However, several of those choices will impact my outlook on the day - did I feel rushed because Abby got up the same time I did? How is my energy level because I chose a crummy breakfast? Am I ready to face the day since I chose a shower? Do I feel somewhat justified in my choice to do something for me (knitting time) now that I have the household running somewhat smoothly?
No matter what option I choose at each crossroads I always have the choice of JOY. Choosing joy means that I am at peace no matter what time Abby or the clock wake me up. I can feel JOY that I didn't have to make myself a big breakfast (or JOY that I had the time/ability/desire to make a healthy breakfast). JOY keeps me smiling when I don't have the time to do my things. JOY breeds patience and kindness when Bear tells me something 25 times or wants me to build the lincoln log town.....again. JOY reminds me that having my husband home every evening is worth the 4:45 a.m. wake-up call. Joy leads to contentment when I wish we could go out to supper, or I can sit on our "imaginary porch".
Living a joyful life enables others to see Christ through me. Do I lead a joyful life daily? Unfortunately not. I hope though, that most of my days are filled with joy. I ask God daily to give me joy in my heart and that the joy I feel will lead others to see the joy of Christ in my life.
Sometimes it is easier not to choose joy. Sometimes feeling joyful takes effort. I have found though, in my life, that the little effort required to find the good in each person or situation leads to wonderful blessings in my life. A day may go from bad to better or at least memories will be made.
My lincoln log mayor is calling me to rebuild his town :) So for now, I am choosing joy in playing with this little boy.....one who won't be little for very much longer. Thank you God for the ability to live with JOY!
Some of the choices I have faced today include:
*when to get up (although for the most part, Abby did that for me)
* what to have for breakfast (don't tell WW but I had leftover pizza)
*TV news or Bible study (sadly, today I chose TV news)
*shower or just dress (I showered)
*chores or my fun stuff (I did "must do" chores and then knitting)
* lunch menu (leftovers)
You get the idea. Out of that list, the only thing that I can see that would have eternal value was the choice NOT to have Bible study. However, several of those choices will impact my outlook on the day - did I feel rushed because Abby got up the same time I did? How is my energy level because I chose a crummy breakfast? Am I ready to face the day since I chose a shower? Do I feel somewhat justified in my choice to do something for me (knitting time) now that I have the household running somewhat smoothly?
No matter what option I choose at each crossroads I always have the choice of JOY. Choosing joy means that I am at peace no matter what time Abby or the clock wake me up. I can feel JOY that I didn't have to make myself a big breakfast (or JOY that I had the time/ability/desire to make a healthy breakfast). JOY keeps me smiling when I don't have the time to do my things. JOY breeds patience and kindness when Bear tells me something 25 times or wants me to build the lincoln log town.....again. JOY reminds me that having my husband home every evening is worth the 4:45 a.m. wake-up call. Joy leads to contentment when I wish we could go out to supper, or I can sit on our "imaginary porch".
Living a joyful life enables others to see Christ through me. Do I lead a joyful life daily? Unfortunately not. I hope though, that most of my days are filled with joy. I ask God daily to give me joy in my heart and that the joy I feel will lead others to see the joy of Christ in my life.
Sometimes it is easier not to choose joy. Sometimes feeling joyful takes effort. I have found though, in my life, that the little effort required to find the good in each person or situation leads to wonderful blessings in my life. A day may go from bad to better or at least memories will be made.
My lincoln log mayor is calling me to rebuild his town :) So for now, I am choosing joy in playing with this little boy.....one who won't be little for very much longer. Thank you God for the ability to live with JOY!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Frugality and Creativity in the Home
Vision Forum wants to help all of us weather the current economic struggles. They are offering a great sale on products specifically designed to assist us to use our God-given talents to enrich our families with as little expense as possible.
The Backyard Homestead and the Bread, Candlemaking and Soapmaking DVDs look very interesting. I love to bake bread and have always wanted to know how to make candles. Definately something to check out!
The Backyard Homestead and the Bread, Candlemaking and Soapmaking DVDs look very interesting. I love to bake bread and have always wanted to know how to make candles. Definately something to check out!
Friday, January 09, 2009
Odd Hours
It was noticed by one of my commenters that my dh works "odd hours" - 2nd shift. She said her husband did too and was relieved to find another homeschooler whose dh didn't work 9-5 hours. Let me tell you, it is great to meet you too!
My dh currently works 2nd shift as a correctional officer. He leaves here at 1:30 p.m. and gets home around midnight. Some days he works a double shift and doesn't get home until 8 a.m. We are so thankful for 2nd shift though, because 3rd shift is almost impossible!
It took me a while to figure out how to make homeschooling "work" around my dh's schedule. Here is what we have so far :)
We school main subjects in the morning. Math and language arts are the "main subjects" in my homeschool. I say that because if you can read and do math you can learn anything else. We school from around 8:30 till around 10-10:30. Sometimes the boys finish up independent reading after that, but I am usually done by 10:30. That also happens to correspond with when my dh gets up (unless he works a double shift - more on that below). The boys do their chores while I cook lunch (the big meal of our day because that is when dad is home) and then they are free to visit with dad and play. We eat lunch together as a family almost every day. When dh leaves for work at 1:30 we do the rest of school: read aloud, science, history, geography, art, music, etc. NOT all on the same days or even same weeks! That is the allotted time for such subjects. This time is also when Bear takes his nap so that works out well. Dh has gotten into the habit of putting him down for his nap while I clean up from lunch and that has been such a blessing for me! School is almost always done by 3. We eat a light supper. I call it "fend for yourself" LOL Our evenings are filled with things like reading, playing, drawing and TV/computer time. We are all in bed when dh gets home from work. He "decompresses" alone when he gets home and comes to bed around 2 a.m.
When dh worked 3rd shift it was very difficult to get schooling done. My husband has a very hard time going to sleep in the daylight. We never really could be quiet enough so that he could go to sleep. Most of the time we ended up leaving the house for a few hours and came back after he was asleep. At that time the boys were younger and we did all of our schooling in the afternoon after dh was asleep. That way he was able to spend mornings with the boys.
Frequently, dh works double shifts. He will get home at 8 a.m. and will have to leave again at 1:30 p.m. Those are days that we have to be very, very quiet. The boys don't spend much time with dad and we eat without him. He will eat after he gets to work. Otherwise our schedule stays the same.
Another hurdle that we have crossed is the fact that my dh has Thursday and Friday off each week. On those days we school in the mornings only. At this time we do not school on Saturday or Sunday. We attend church on Sunday. Saturdays are for cleaning and other projects that I need to do. Sometimes we will completely take off on a Thursday or Friday but we try to make that the exception to the rule.
Homeschooling is possible when the father works 2nd shift. It is important to remember when planning your school schedule that your children need to spend time with their dad, especially if you have boys! Don't force school for the whole time when dad is home. Try to allow time for daddy pursuits! We pray that one day dad will have "normal hours". It will be several years. For now, we have learned to function around his schedule in a manner that works for all of us. Be creative!
My dh currently works 2nd shift as a correctional officer. He leaves here at 1:30 p.m. and gets home around midnight. Some days he works a double shift and doesn't get home until 8 a.m. We are so thankful for 2nd shift though, because 3rd shift is almost impossible!
It took me a while to figure out how to make homeschooling "work" around my dh's schedule. Here is what we have so far :)
We school main subjects in the morning. Math and language arts are the "main subjects" in my homeschool. I say that because if you can read and do math you can learn anything else. We school from around 8:30 till around 10-10:30. Sometimes the boys finish up independent reading after that, but I am usually done by 10:30. That also happens to correspond with when my dh gets up (unless he works a double shift - more on that below). The boys do their chores while I cook lunch (the big meal of our day because that is when dad is home) and then they are free to visit with dad and play. We eat lunch together as a family almost every day. When dh leaves for work at 1:30 we do the rest of school: read aloud, science, history, geography, art, music, etc. NOT all on the same days or even same weeks! That is the allotted time for such subjects. This time is also when Bear takes his nap so that works out well. Dh has gotten into the habit of putting him down for his nap while I clean up from lunch and that has been such a blessing for me! School is almost always done by 3. We eat a light supper. I call it "fend for yourself" LOL Our evenings are filled with things like reading, playing, drawing and TV/computer time. We are all in bed when dh gets home from work. He "decompresses" alone when he gets home and comes to bed around 2 a.m.
When dh worked 3rd shift it was very difficult to get schooling done. My husband has a very hard time going to sleep in the daylight. We never really could be quiet enough so that he could go to sleep. Most of the time we ended up leaving the house for a few hours and came back after he was asleep. At that time the boys were younger and we did all of our schooling in the afternoon after dh was asleep. That way he was able to spend mornings with the boys.
Frequently, dh works double shifts. He will get home at 8 a.m. and will have to leave again at 1:30 p.m. Those are days that we have to be very, very quiet. The boys don't spend much time with dad and we eat without him. He will eat after he gets to work. Otherwise our schedule stays the same.
Another hurdle that we have crossed is the fact that my dh has Thursday and Friday off each week. On those days we school in the mornings only. At this time we do not school on Saturday or Sunday. We attend church on Sunday. Saturdays are for cleaning and other projects that I need to do. Sometimes we will completely take off on a Thursday or Friday but we try to make that the exception to the rule.
Homeschooling is possible when the father works 2nd shift. It is important to remember when planning your school schedule that your children need to spend time with their dad, especially if you have boys! Don't force school for the whole time when dad is home. Try to allow time for daddy pursuits! We pray that one day dad will have "normal hours". It will be several years. For now, we have learned to function around his schedule in a manner that works for all of us. Be creative!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
A Day in the Life of Us
Candy posted about her day today, with pictures and everything. I am skipping pictures because it drives me batty to upload them here, but thought that I would share a fairly typical day at our house!
6:00 a.m. I got up and read Genesis 10-15 and Psalms 7 and 37. Then I walked a mile with my new Leslie Samsom DVD. Bear still wasn't up so I read some from my First Place 4 Health member's guide.
7:45 I woke up the older boys and then Bear woke up. We knew he was up because he was turning the light on and off. Luckily his dad slept through it! I made Bear and I eggs and the boys ate breakfast and took showers. Greg did Math (Aleks) first while Lee did spelling (All About Spelling) then they switched and worked in Handwriting all the while (Italic Handwriting).
10:00 I started baking chocolate chips cookies. Norman wanted to take some to work so I needed to have them done before he left. Bear was more than happy to lick the beaters and the older boys played while I baked. Then I fixed broiled chicken breasts, mac and cheese and mixed veggies for lunch.
11:30 Norman got up. The older boys were outside trying to get their 4-wheelers to start so he went straight out to help them. Bear and I ate lunch. When Norman came in he joined us. The boys ate later, after they were done riding.
I did laundry while Norman gave Bear a bath. I also got the kitchen cleaned up from lunch. At 1:00 Norman took Bear to bed for his nap. I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Norman left for work at 1:30.
1:45 The boys and I started school again. We are using Further Up and Further In as a unit study during the month of January. We are reading The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis. While finishing that up, the UPS man knocked on the door. He had Rock Band! So after school the boys finished their chores and cleaned up their room and happily played rock band.
Bear slept until almost 6 so I read part of a book, did some internet stuff and relaxed. I don't always get that opportunity. We had supper when Bear woke up ( a hodge podge of leftovers and quick fix items) and then the boys happily played with the great big box that Rock Band came in for about 2 hours. It is amazing what happiness a big box can bring to 3 boys! They also drove Bear's Little Tike Jeep around the house. It isn't an inside toy but they sure think that it is. LOL I was able to get some more reading done and a card of encouragement written for a friend.
It is almost 9 and time for bed. Norman is home tomorrow so I don't know what he has planned. I am going to throw the diapers in the washer and hit the sack! Have a good night!
6:00 a.m. I got up and read Genesis 10-15 and Psalms 7 and 37. Then I walked a mile with my new Leslie Samsom DVD. Bear still wasn't up so I read some from my First Place 4 Health member's guide.
7:45 I woke up the older boys and then Bear woke up. We knew he was up because he was turning the light on and off. Luckily his dad slept through it! I made Bear and I eggs and the boys ate breakfast and took showers. Greg did Math (Aleks) first while Lee did spelling (All About Spelling) then they switched and worked in Handwriting all the while (Italic Handwriting).
10:00 I started baking chocolate chips cookies. Norman wanted to take some to work so I needed to have them done before he left. Bear was more than happy to lick the beaters and the older boys played while I baked. Then I fixed broiled chicken breasts, mac and cheese and mixed veggies for lunch.
11:30 Norman got up. The older boys were outside trying to get their 4-wheelers to start so he went straight out to help them. Bear and I ate lunch. When Norman came in he joined us. The boys ate later, after they were done riding.
I did laundry while Norman gave Bear a bath. I also got the kitchen cleaned up from lunch. At 1:00 Norman took Bear to bed for his nap. I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Norman left for work at 1:30.
1:45 The boys and I started school again. We are using Further Up and Further In as a unit study during the month of January. We are reading The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis. While finishing that up, the UPS man knocked on the door. He had Rock Band! So after school the boys finished their chores and cleaned up their room and happily played rock band.
Bear slept until almost 6 so I read part of a book, did some internet stuff and relaxed. I don't always get that opportunity. We had supper when Bear woke up ( a hodge podge of leftovers and quick fix items) and then the boys happily played with the great big box that Rock Band came in for about 2 hours. It is amazing what happiness a big box can bring to 3 boys! They also drove Bear's Little Tike Jeep around the house. It isn't an inside toy but they sure think that it is. LOL I was able to get some more reading done and a card of encouragement written for a friend.
It is almost 9 and time for bed. Norman is home tomorrow so I don't know what he has planned. I am going to throw the diapers in the washer and hit the sack! Have a good night!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
We are one of many.....
who are currently under ice.
Gotta love ice, I suppose. It comes quietly and looks beautiful.....and causes untold damage. We are very blessed this time, that the power stayed on. Norman tried to get to work, thought better of it rather quickly and called in for bad roads; the first time in over 8 years. Enjoying an evening with daddy is such a hardship :)
Daddy is doing baby Bear duty (nap, supper, bath and playtime). And he blessed me by helping with supper (hamburgers, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and green beans). Greg and I had strawberries and whipped cream as dessert.
We are snug as bugs in a rug.....safe, warm and ready for Christmas.
I pray that your family is also safe and warm. I pray that you all remember the real reason for this season of family and celebration.
Next week I will ponder goals for the new year (I prefer goals over resolutions!).
Have a Merry Christmas!!!!!
Gotta love ice, I suppose. It comes quietly and looks beautiful.....and causes untold damage. We are very blessed this time, that the power stayed on. Norman tried to get to work, thought better of it rather quickly and called in for bad roads; the first time in over 8 years. Enjoying an evening with daddy is such a hardship :)
Daddy is doing baby Bear duty (nap, supper, bath and playtime). And he blessed me by helping with supper (hamburgers, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and green beans). Greg and I had strawberries and whipped cream as dessert.
We are snug as bugs in a rug.....safe, warm and ready for Christmas.
I pray that your family is also safe and warm. I pray that you all remember the real reason for this season of family and celebration.
Next week I will ponder goals for the new year (I prefer goals over resolutions!).
Have a Merry Christmas!!!!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
A Child's Heart - God's Garden
Amending the Soil of the Child's Heart (Session 1)
My dear friend, Crystal Wetherholt, has blessed me with the opportunity to listen to her new seminar/CD series called A Child's Heart - God's Garden. Today, I had the opportunity to listen to session 1.
Crystal uses the analogy of a gardener preparing a garden as she walks us through capturing the heart of our child. First, Crystal goes through a list of "red flags" that should indicate to us that we have lost the heart of our child/children. Then she gives 10 possible causes for this breech and finally, she gives ways that we can recapture the hearts of our children.
All of this in the first session!
Crystal isn't a "here is what you did wrong, now fix it" person, either. Crystal's heart is very transparent in this series. She candidly discusses problems that she has encountered as she has raised her children; ways that she lost their hearts and how she was able to get them back. She gives practical advice to hurting parents and shows them how to seek God's will for their family and children.
When Crystal dropped these CDs off at my house the other day, I was so eager to listen to them! I have been praying lately about the heart's of my children. I know how I have messed up in my relationship with them and Crystal is gently leading my heart back to my children. I only wish that I had this message 11 years ago!
This message, and the ones to follow, maybe be found at Crystal's website. Her CDs can be purchased for $10 each and she can be scheduled to speak to groups. Crystal has a heart for women, mothers, and their children. If you feel that you have lost your children's hearts or if you are a new mother starting out, I urge you to listen to Crystal's message. Let God do His powerful work in your family's life!
My dear friend, Crystal Wetherholt, has blessed me with the opportunity to listen to her new seminar/CD series called A Child's Heart - God's Garden. Today, I had the opportunity to listen to session 1.
Crystal uses the analogy of a gardener preparing a garden as she walks us through capturing the heart of our child. First, Crystal goes through a list of "red flags" that should indicate to us that we have lost the heart of our child/children. Then she gives 10 possible causes for this breech and finally, she gives ways that we can recapture the hearts of our children.
All of this in the first session!
Crystal isn't a "here is what you did wrong, now fix it" person, either. Crystal's heart is very transparent in this series. She candidly discusses problems that she has encountered as she has raised her children; ways that she lost their hearts and how she was able to get them back. She gives practical advice to hurting parents and shows them how to seek God's will for their family and children.
When Crystal dropped these CDs off at my house the other day, I was so eager to listen to them! I have been praying lately about the heart's of my children. I know how I have messed up in my relationship with them and Crystal is gently leading my heart back to my children. I only wish that I had this message 11 years ago!
This message, and the ones to follow, maybe be found at Crystal's website. Her CDs can be purchased for $10 each and she can be scheduled to speak to groups. Crystal has a heart for women, mothers, and their children. If you feel that you have lost your children's hearts or if you are a new mother starting out, I urge you to listen to Crystal's message. Let God do His powerful work in your family's life!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Chores and Housekeeping Schedules
We have finally hit on a chore system that works for us. We have used it for about 2 years now and I plan to continue it.I made a “chore chart” placed it in a page protector and hung it on a nail in the kitchen. Even my chores are on it. That way there is no excuse for the work not being done.
My older 2 boys are 8 and 11. They will do a set of chores for about 6 months and then they switch. That way there is no arguing about who has the harder chores. Everyone will get them eventually. The baby doesn’t have chores, YET.
Here is the list for this cycle:
8 yr. old
Daily - scoop litter box, feed animals, make bed, pick up bedroom
M and Sat. - vaccum living room
M - wipe down large appliances
M, T, W, Sat. - put away laundry
T - wipe down light switches
W - wipe down bath tub
11 yr. old
Daily - fetch mail, make bed, pick up bedroom, pick up bathroom, pick up living room, kitchen, hallway floors
M, T, W, Sat. put away laundry
M - clean appliances
T - dust
W - wipe down bath tub
Mom
Daily - lunch, clean-up kitchen, supper, clean-up kitchen
M - bathrooms
T dust/vaccum living room
W - focus on kitchen and dining room (clean/mop)
Sat. - organize desk, sort school stuff, garden
M, T, W, Sat - laundry
I don’t do extra chores on Thurs. and Fri because dh is home those days. The boys do their chores 6 days a week, after school and before lunch. It takes them about 30 mins. They are paid 75 cents a day for this. Large lawn/garden jobs are paid extra by my dh.
I work off a to-do list every day. If it is Monday, on my to-do list will be whatever jobs I want to accomplish in the bathrooms (wash floors, scrub shower, clean cabinets, etc.). General pick-up is done every week but the other jobs are done on an “as needed” basis and are added to my to-do list accordingly. Also, larger jobs like washing windows, clean my bedroom, decluttering closets, cleaning the laundry room, etc. are added to my to-do list as I decide they need done. I work them in through out the week. If nothing but the bare bones is done then the house stays in relatively good shape.
This seems to work for us. I love seeing what works for everyone else.
My older 2 boys are 8 and 11. They will do a set of chores for about 6 months and then they switch. That way there is no arguing about who has the harder chores. Everyone will get them eventually. The baby doesn’t have chores, YET.
Here is the list for this cycle:
8 yr. old
Daily - scoop litter box, feed animals, make bed, pick up bedroom
M and Sat. - vaccum living room
M - wipe down large appliances
M, T, W, Sat. - put away laundry
T - wipe down light switches
W - wipe down bath tub
11 yr. old
Daily - fetch mail, make bed, pick up bedroom, pick up bathroom, pick up living room, kitchen, hallway floors
M, T, W, Sat. put away laundry
M - clean appliances
T - dust
W - wipe down bath tub
Mom
Daily - lunch, clean-up kitchen, supper, clean-up kitchen
M - bathrooms
T dust/vaccum living room
W - focus on kitchen and dining room (clean/mop)
Sat. - organize desk, sort school stuff, garden
M, T, W, Sat - laundry
I don’t do extra chores on Thurs. and Fri because dh is home those days. The boys do their chores 6 days a week, after school and before lunch. It takes them about 30 mins. They are paid 75 cents a day for this. Large lawn/garden jobs are paid extra by my dh.
I work off a to-do list every day. If it is Monday, on my to-do list will be whatever jobs I want to accomplish in the bathrooms (wash floors, scrub shower, clean cabinets, etc.). General pick-up is done every week but the other jobs are done on an “as needed” basis and are added to my to-do list accordingly. Also, larger jobs like washing windows, clean my bedroom, decluttering closets, cleaning the laundry room, etc. are added to my to-do list as I decide they need done. I work them in through out the week. If nothing but the bare bones is done then the house stays in relatively good shape.
This seems to work for us. I love seeing what works for everyone else.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Meet and Greet Monday (a day early)
I have been playing with my new digital camera and the software on my laptop. Even with highspeed internet it is a pain to upload pictures. But that's ok. I am learning! So I thought that I would share some of the new ones with you.
That is me, feeding Baby Bear (obviously!) at Christmas. He has grown a lot since then!
This is Leland and Norman. They love to snuggle together!
And here is Leland pretending to be asleep on the back of the couch with our cat, Tiger. Tiger and Sadie (our cocker spaniel) always sleep on the back of the couch.
Gregory with Norman. Now that Norman can play more, him and Greg get along a lot better. They are becoming great friends!
This has got to be my favorite photo of the bunch. Dh Norman gives Bear his baths when he is home off work....they take one together in the big bathtub. Thursday Norman put bubble bath in and ran the jets to make lots of bubbles and him and Bear played for a long time. They had so much fun splashing and eating bubbles!
Enjoy!
That is me, feeding Baby Bear (obviously!) at Christmas. He has grown a lot since then!
This is Leland and Norman. They love to snuggle together!
And here is Leland pretending to be asleep on the back of the couch with our cat, Tiger. Tiger and Sadie (our cocker spaniel) always sleep on the back of the couch.
Gregory with Norman. Now that Norman can play more, him and Greg get along a lot better. They are becoming great friends!
This has got to be my favorite photo of the bunch. Dh Norman gives Bear his baths when he is home off work....they take one together in the big bathtub. Thursday Norman put bubble bath in and ran the jets to make lots of bubbles and him and Bear played for a long time. They had so much fun splashing and eating bubbles!
Enjoy!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Some more pictures
This is a picture of my older boys.
Greg is on the left and Lee is on the right. They really are best friends.
This is my Sadie. She is a black cocker spaniel....and my only daughter :) She sleeps most of the time so this is a typical picture of how she spends her days.
This is a Bear and a Tiger (Tiger is the cat). I wasn't sure which one is bigger so I laid them side-by-side for a size comparison. I am not sure who the winner is.
Ironically, Tiger doesn't really like people. He is anti-social. He especially doesn't like ME. He is dh's cat. He bites if you rub his tummy. So I don't....EVER. Suprisingly, Tiger loves Bear. Tiger wants to sleep with Bear, wants to rub up against Bear and goes out of his way to check on Bear. So the anti-social cat likes the baby. Who, ironically, will probably spend the next 2 years pulling Tiger's tail. I guess that every good deed doesn't go unpunished. Especially not in this house :)
Greg is on the left and Lee is on the right. They really are best friends.
This is my Sadie. She is a black cocker spaniel....and my only daughter :) She sleeps most of the time so this is a typical picture of how she spends her days.
This is a Bear and a Tiger (Tiger is the cat). I wasn't sure which one is bigger so I laid them side-by-side for a size comparison. I am not sure who the winner is.
Ironically, Tiger doesn't really like people. He is anti-social. He especially doesn't like ME. He is dh's cat. He bites if you rub his tummy. So I don't....EVER. Suprisingly, Tiger loves Bear. Tiger wants to sleep with Bear, wants to rub up against Bear and goes out of his way to check on Bear. So the anti-social cat likes the baby. Who, ironically, will probably spend the next 2 years pulling Tiger's tail. I guess that every good deed doesn't go unpunished. Especially not in this house :)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Little Bear
This is a picture of Little Bear. He was up on his dad's shoulder and looked so sweet that we snapped a picture. We do that alot.
A Picture of my Boys
I am trying my hand at uploading pictures to my blog. If this works, this will be a picture of my boys. Greg is on the left, Norman in the middle and Lee is holding Sadie on the right.
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